I realize I haven’t posted in awhile. Major no-no for a new blogger but here we are. Without further ado, here is the hole I’ve been stuck in:
I’m taking a break from school. It’s going to be awhile before I can say that without tasting bile. I am heartbroken – but it’s almost like mourning the person I thought I would be than it is regret or sadness. The more time I spent in my little world of academia, the more exhausted and miserable and defeated I became. My mental health has been in the toilet. My passion for learning and exploration died. Life felt meaningless. I am too young and life is too short to be resigned to emptiness.
I don’t know when I’ll go back or if I’ll go back. To be completely honest, I don’t know a lot right now. I’m still processing. This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make and it’s going to take a little while to sort through it all. To grieve.
But sometimes you have to let the past die. (ha!) Not being who or what I thought I would be isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Forcing my round little self into square hole is. It’s time to rewrite my narrative. I am terrified. But I am also hopeful.