You are not happy because you are not present. You are everywhere but here where you belong. You’re treating the symptoms instead of the disease.
You want so badly for people to like you; you’re starving for validation. Bending and warping yourself in every direction until you’re a caricature of the masks you wear. What you are is enough. Being true to yourself, being proud of yourself, being good to yourself is so much more important than the approval of other people. The journey you are on is far too long to carry the weight of everyone’s opinions.
You have a stranglehold on every facet of your life, your being. You have a compulsive need to control everything, to leave nothing up to chance. Every move is calculated. Every thought is planned. You have to know what is coming. You can’t weather the storm of the present. You’re so desperate for the answers that you haven’t stopped and considered the questions. But darling, aren’t you exhausted? You’ve got to let go. Life is chaos and it’s terrifying, but the radiance of spontaneity and the beauty of experiencing this single moment of your existence can turn terror into wonder if you let it.
You are narrating your life instead of living it. You are thinking instead of feeling. You are scrambling instead of being. You move fast and stay busy, stay distracted, so you don’t have to feel the onslaught of everything all the time. Feeling isn’t a failing. Your weakness can be your strength if you embrace it. Let it hit you. Face the wind and the waves and roaring thunder with open arms. You don’t need to be afraid of your own soul.
You are not a puppet on a string, you are a storm raging in a body. You are not sick, you are terrifyingly, painfully, ecstatically alive. You are not a character in someone else’s story, you are an epic all your own.
You have to let go. Take this breath. Be this moment. Experience this sensation. It’s all there is.